Going into marriage, Chris and I will tell you we were both looking for very different things. We didn’t know it at the time. We thought we were looking in the same direction. It all looked the same on the surface. Chris is a dreamer. He wanted a wife, kids, golden retriever, a house and a church family. He thought if everyone wore smiles it meant they were happy. I, too, wanted the kids, house, etc., but I didn’t expect it to be easy. I just assumed we would communicate and work our way through everything.
So, during the affair, we continued on with our own plans. Chris just wanted it to end. He wanted it to end on his terms. His terms were to walk away and take it to his grave without me ever knowing. And, I still wanted a husband to communicate with me. But, God wanted something more for us. He always wants something bigger than we can fit in our box. If Chris had just gotten out of an affair, and I had gotten better communication, we would have been sold short. But, God gave us much more by giving us Himself. He opened our eyes to Him in a way we had never seen.
Sometimes we look to God because we want something when what we really need is Him. In writing these blogs about the affair, I’ve been in conflict over those whose hearts are breaking over an affair. I know our story doesn’t offer much solace for those who have no restoration. What can be said to heal a heart that has no resolution? Where can you go when your spouse doesn’t want to restore the marriage? You may not get a marriage that is healed. You may not get a repentant husband/wife. You may not get the communication you’re looking for. But, you may get God. And, that’s all you need. He is enough for the hurting. He is enough for the broken. He is enough for the sleepless. He heals. He redeems. He saves.
How do we get God? There is no formula. What’s needed is repentance, submission, faith, falling on our faces acknowledging our need for a Savior.
“But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ.” Philippians 3:7-8